Noble Imprisonment
by Emmy9
Summary: After the bomb is dropped in "Doubt" about Stabler and his wife, Olivia has some Deep Thoughts after realizing the tangerine she bit into was a human head. Just kidding, I suck at summaries.


Hey guys, thanks for reading.

None of the characters I lifted from SVU are mine. Just wanted to guess at some of the feelings and ideas that MUST be swirling around Det. Olivia Benson's head during this rough season for Stabler.

Enjoy.

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"Kathy left me."

I couldn't stop my eyes from expanding slightly as those simple words that hit me like a sledgehammer. I swallowed hard as Elliot turned and left me there to digest pure, dense emotion. My concern for Elliot and the concern for what I may be in for soon mixed like iced vomit in the back of my throat, and I could scarcely keep it from exiting my eyes in bitter rivets.

I did everything that evening to take the events of the day into perspective and stride. I was an expert at pinpointing the causes of my worry, the culprits that vandalized and broke the windows to my soul. I figured that would leave me with a solution, and therefore peace.

I curled up on my couch with a cup of tea to think. When one is alone, thinking becomes your best friend, and it was about time we had a long visit.

Fact: Elliot is separated from his wife. I knew there had been trouble at home years before. I remember him sharing with me that he could not talk to his wife and kids about his job because of its horrors. "One of us has to sleep at night," he said. Since SVU was practically his entire life, that was a big chunk of his core to keep behind silence. But I never imagined that Elliot would allow it to go so far out of control.

Which begs the question: why did Elliot stick with SVU when he knew that it was the reason he could never maintain a bond with his wife?

I took a slurp of tea. I decided to put that question on hold.

Frankly, I'm almost pissed that Elliot -did- allow his home life to get so awry. I can't though, nor can I blame him, for I know that SVU is not conducive to a stable home life. The job is dangerous and, more fatally, time-consuming. I knew I never got around to dating because of it...but I wondered if that was just my good excuse to turn down scumbags.

Slurp. I closed my eyes.

I already know who the culprit is in all of my turmoil; a forbidden hope. I felt the rusted padlock budge on its prison in the hallway when Elliot told me the truth. I immediately clamped down on that insolent feeling because not only was it inappropriate, it was unbecomingly selfish. But emissions of curiosity and wonder had already escaped to register with my abiotic senses. What if the relationship we've spent so long getting in rhythm starts to march to a new beat? I wasn't even at the stage of answering that one since I wasn't even sure I liked the tune of heartbeat. I had found a beautiful harmony working alongside a man who was much my equal as he was an outstanding partner. Would he suddenly notice me and what we have, now that he is released from obligation? Did I want more than that, and, more realistically, was that even my place to decide?

Slurrrp. Cold tea. I looked into my mug and shrugged.

The problem is that I am inserting myself and my emotions too much. The fact of the matter is, I am a mature woman and friend, and therefore it is an immutable priority that I help Elliot to take back what he needs. He needs the support of his children at the very least to give him the motivation and courage to get out of bed every morning. I believe there is a better, more pure joy to be had in helping him mend the ties of his marriage so he can enjoy that security once again. I know that -my- feelings will disrupt that mending, and therefore it is imperative I remain distant from my self-serving agendas.

So the solution? Imprison my hopes once again and continue to be a column of strength for the both of us. That's the only way I can help Elliot.

They say a cage is a prison that protects both sides. I know what I am to do, all that is left is for Elliot to execute his strategy in the time to come.


End file.
